I Miss My Ex

Everyone who ever dated knows that dating can be frustrating, at least the first phase of getting to know someone. We’re all familiar with those crash-and-burn dates where you feel like you’ve completely wasted your time and probably shouldn’t leave the house. Or these dates that you feel actually went well but apparently you’re the only one, because the other person just vanishes… Or the weird people who can bring up the most awkward subjects.

Nonetheless, it’s all up to you to create more focused and effective meetings with new people, and that should be your new year’s resolution. One of the things you need to invest in is improving yourself, and becoming that special someone for someone else.
 

Start with getting to love yourself and become more comfortable with yourself. How do you do that? Simply by deciding that you’re doing whatever you can to fell better. If you feel like a lazy couch potato, it’s time to get up and start exercising. It will benefit you in two ways – you’ll get in shape and feel better about yourself; and you’ll meet new people at the gym, the country club or even at the running paths in the park.

Similar to getting in shape and feeling good about yourself, another way is to find yourself a new hobby. Again, this helps in two ways – one for doing something interesting and expanding your horizons, and two – you’ll meet new people.

Lastly, an important resolution is to resolve issues and bad feeling from past relationships. In many cases, past relationships leave us with a bad taste in our mouth, usually because they didn’t end so well. So, instead of resenting the past, resolve it. A good place to start is with a daily journal, where you simply write everything that comes to mind, how you feel, what you want to happen, how you want to feel and so on. Also, meditation is a great tool to leviate some of the bad feelings you’ve been carrying around.

These resolutions are a great way to start the new Year and to get you a bit more “relationship ready”. When you invest in self-improvement, you’ll become attractive, unique and interesting.
 

We all know that getting a first date with someone is not easy. On top of that, there are a lot of thoughts and pressures that people put on themselves, especially if haven’t dated for a while. Preparing yourself for a first date can be quite nerve wracking and a lot of people find themselves on the verge of hysteria before a first date (male and female alike, by the way).

So, to help you get through the first date and even succeed and impress the potential partner, here are a few tips to take into consideration:

1. Prepare your wardrobe. Don’t wait until the last minute to decide what to wear, it adds a lot of pressure. Prepare in advance (even a day before) a winning outfit, one that you know that looks good on you, not too casual but not too fancy, and not very revealing for the ladies here. You want to look good and attractive but you don’t need to look like you’ve stepped out of a magazine… just something in the middle.

 

2. Take a shower. It might sound obvious to some of you, but still, make sure you shower before the date. Aside from the understandable reason of smelling good (which also connects to looking good), it serves another purpose. It means you will go home, get ready, take time, get the load off after a long day at work, and relax a bit before you head out.

 



3. Be attentive. So, the date started, you look and smell fabulous, but what’s next? For starters, what’s NOT next is you sitting at the table answering to phone calls or texting for the most part of the evening. Even if it’s super important from work, it can wait. You are here now to pay attention to the other person, and to shed some light on yourself and share information. If there is a real emergency, apologize and take the call outside. Otherwise, it sends the message that you’re not interested.

 

4. Avoid TMI. Especially when nervous, people tend to overshare. While it’s nice to share funny anecdotes from your childhood, it’s less nice to hear about your troubles with the bank, your medical issues or that the Mexican food you had for lunch is blundering your stomach. Most importantly – do not talk about past relationships and your ex, and certainly not about how you once tried to get your ex back. Nobody needs to hear that on the first date, it’ll only drive them away.

 

5. Stay realistic and focus on having fun. Don’t forget – you are there to have a good time and enjoy meeting a new person. Don’t come with high expectations that this person will be THE ONE, even if you’ve shared hilarious text messages and the conversation on the phone was next to awesome. This could only lead to disappointment when you meet. Just like you, the other person can also be nervous or stressed, and won’t necessarily show their true amazing qualities. Keep your expectations low and you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised.

   Also, remember that you’re on a date, not a job interview, so just try to have fun. When you are relaxed and show that you have a nice time, you also present yourself as a fun and enjoyable person, a person that your potential date would like to see again.

After a serious relationship breakup, you sometimes feel like a part of your soul has been taken away from you. You might even feel depressed, not wanting to eat, can’t sleep or can’t even focus on work. These are all very normal reactions, and everyone goes through them at some point.

If you don’t want your ex back, and you just want to get over him, there are a few ways to do that. Keep in mind though, that once you’re completely over, you probably won’t have the need to reunite with him, so if there’s a slight hope, it’s best to wait and see how you feel.

So let’s say you are absolutely sure you want to get over him, now what? The most recommended step is to to get rid of everything that might remind you of him. During the relationship, a lot of stuff is piling up – pictures, letters, gifts, CDs, clothes… and you both probably have things you’ve left at the other one’s home, not to mention if you lived together… It might seem harmless, but it’s best that anything that reminds you of him must go.

If there are things of his at you place, put everything in a box, and ask him to collect your stuff and make an exchange. If there are things that he gave you or photos of the two of you, throw it all away. Also delete all the photos of him from your Facebook account, and better yet, unfriend him (or at least hide him). He doesn’t need to see what’s going on with you, and you CERTAINLY don’t need to see his activity.

Another suggestion is to not contact him at all, at least for 6 months or so. Also, do not reply if he tries to contact you (other than exchanging your belongings or something). This is important because it will help you heal, and staying in contact will only set you back. If you meet to exchange belongings or for one last “closer” talk, tell him that you don’t want to stay in touch and explain that it’s for you and has nothing to do with him.

Hopefully he’ll respect your wishes. If not, and he does contact you from time to time, ignore it and ask a mutual friend to explain that to him once again. You need to focus on moving on, so don’t let that disturb you.

Lastly – start filling your life with things that make you feel good about yourself. It can be anything from sports, to dance lessons, to poetry writing or even learning a new profession. Anything that you find enjoyable and puts a smile on your face will be good. It can even be the smallest thing like a new haircut. Just do it for yourself and surround yourself with good friends that will support you.

Funny thing about relationships – they always start so great, both of you are happy and in love… and then when they are over, it always includes crying, sadness, sometimes even fighting. After a short period though, when things cool down, most exes stay in touch or even stay close friends, and there are many cases when they get back together eventually.

If you recently broke up with your boyfriend and you’re thinking about getting back together with him, you should look at signs that might tell you if he still loves you.

1. Phone calls or text messages

This is one of the main tells – if your ex still keeps in touch on a frequent basis, he’s probably still in to you. It doesn’t apply all the time, but in general, staying in touch suggests he still have feelings for you, and he wants to see how you’re doing. If you keep getting text messages or phone calls just to see how you’re doing then this could indicate that your ex is thinking about you often. After all, these sorts of communication aren’t really necessary if you are just in a “platonic friendship”.

2. You see him at your hangouts

You bump into him at your local grocery store (even though he lives a bit far from there…)? You see him at your regular bar? This can be a sign that he’s still interested. It might not be easy to determine, especially if you live in same area, but trust your instincts to tell you if this was indeed random, or if he makes sure you’ll bump into each other once a week.

3. He is still single

Another sign that your ex still have feelings for you is if he is still single and didn’t get into a new relationship. Most people, if they moved on completely, they start a new relationship. But if they still linger for their ex, they would take their time, or just settle for casual flings. So if he is still not willing to commit to a new relationship, it’s a good sign.

4. He still keeps in touch with your family/friends

In many cases, if an ex wants to keep in touch, he’ll do it through your friends or family. Especially if you don’t keep in touch with him, he would try other ways to find out about you. There could always be an option he’s doing it just to annoy you, but you can usually tell if this is the case, as he won’t ask a lot about you.

5. Your friends say he’s still into you

If you have mutual friends, now is the time to ask them what they think. They might even tell you without asking, if he’s constantly talking about you, or asking them about you. Your friends will know when it is just a friendly interest and when it is a case of wanting you back.

6. He keeps touching you

This is one of the biggest tells. If your ex finds reasons to touch you (brush off a microscopic crumb, hugs you, puts his hand on your leg or shoulder) – this could definitely mean he is still interested. Naturally, we’re talking about more than a casual incidental touch, but more of a consistent events of touching, hugging, etc.

7. He is trying to attract you

If you’ve always bugged him about shaving, cutting his hair or stop wearing ugly flip-flops, and he suddenly changed those things, after you broke up, there’s a good chance he’s trying to signal you that he’s making changes, for you. It could also be that he started learning French or going to the gym – if he makes sure you’ll hear about, it’s because he wants you to know and notice he’s changing. These things should signal you that he’s trying to attract you.

Now, if you’ve seen some of these signs (or even ALL of them…), you just need to decide if you want him back or not. Sit with yourself and think real hard about it, and make sure you have a good reason for wanting him back. If you do have a good reason, then just signal back, through your friends, or the next time he calls, and see how it goes.

Most people experience breakups in their lives, as most of us are not lucky to stay forever with our first love. Some breakups are easy, and you know you weren’t right for each other, so you move on pretty fast. But other times, there are breakups that catch you by surprise, that you didn’t even saw it coming and that you regret it happened.

This regret often leads to the realization of how much you want to get back with your ex. After this realization sinks in, you need to sit and think why you want to get back together. There are times when the motive is purely based on not wanting to be alone, or thinking that this is the best you can get. If these are your reasons – it’s best to move forward, as this will not hold.

However, if the reasons are the feeling that it was a mistake, or you did not tried hard enough to work things out, or that you’ve changed and felt your partner hasn’t changed with you – these are good reasons to think about getting back together.

The first step when planning to get your ex back is to focus on yourself. Make a decision to correct past mistakes and not let them happen again. If you used to sit at home all the time and hardly went out, now is the time to change that. Start a new hobby or learning something like a language or dancing, anything that will get you out of the house, introduce you to new people and boost your self esteem.

When you focus on yourself and not about waiting for your ex to call or text, you are sending the message that you’ve changed and grown. Besides, you’ll be busy and this will take your mind off of things. The best thing about it – your ex will hear about the new you in some point, and they’ll be curious to know what else is going on with you.

This will lead the path for them to contact you, “just checking in”. When they do, stay calm and cool, and just be friendly, without saying anything about wanting them back!! The more cool you’ll be, the more they will want to meet you and hear what else is new in your life. Once you meet, you can raise the idea of getting back together or to try again. Most likely they will respond positively to the idea.